The importance of friends

You need friends, and so does your teenager. Friends share secrets and interests, make us laugh, listen when we need a shoulder to cry on, and encourage us. A teenager's friends also help them figure out who they are and where they fit in. Not having friends can be very lonely and isolating for anyone, but especially for teenagers. It's helpful to know why friends and peer relationships are important so you can help your teenager build friendships, keep the good ones, and learn to walk away from unhealthy friendships and relationships.

WhY ARE friendsHIPS so important?

As your child becomes a teenager your relationship with them will change. As they become more independent, they need to develop social skills and interact with others outside the family. But while healthy peer relationships come easily for some teens, they can be difficult for others to manage.

Here are some signs that your teen is finding it hard to make friends, keep them, or fit in. They:

• Have low confidence and self-esteem
• Don't want to participate in social activities
• Change things about themselves to try and fit in
• Are extremely introverted or shy
• Don't want to talk about their friends

Why do some peer relationships lead to problems?

As your teen relies more on their relationships with friends and peers you may feel like you are being pushed aside or are no longer needed. But your guidance and care are still very important. And how you handle your changing relationship with your teen can have a major effect on family life.

There are some common red flags to look out for:

• Teenagers want (and need) to go to parties, concerts or other social events. They need to socialise. But if you are too strict about what they can do, or alternatively, if you push them into going places they don't want, you'll be inviting conflict.
• You may think your teen is mixing with a 'bad crowd', or following a friend's questionable judgement. It's normal to worry about what they could get up to, but there are ways to calmly talk about it.
• Having strained, or non-existent friendships or peer relationships is usually distressing for teenagers, and probably would be for you too. The stress can also affect your other family members.

…or maybe a combination of these things are happening at the same time!