Steph is a farmer, mother to three boys, and a psychologist. Her parenting journey through postnatal depression and perfectionism, is a reminder of the importance of connection, support, and self-compassion, especially in rural and remote areas.

Before she had kids, Steph had high expectations of her parenting style.

“I thought I’d be the perfect parent. I had really high expectations of gentle parenting, attachment parenting, and all these ideas about how I should be as a mother.”

A free, evidence-based parenting program can be a welcome support in normalising the emotions and challenges of the early days.

“Looking back, it would have been great to do an online program like Triple P Online for Baby.

“Knowing that being a new parent can bring a range of emotions is one thing.

“But seeing new parents talk about it in a video can help those emotions and the challenges feel more normal.”

Parenting a newborn, Steph felt isolated and exhausted; the lack of sleep and the financial strain of running a business during the drought took a toll.

“You get stuck in this cycle of thinking, “Well, everyone else can do it.” My partner was working a lot on the farm, and my parents were in Adelaide – I cycled down into postnatal depression. I was struggling to get anything done during the day. I’d be this screaming, raging monster at my kids. Looking back, I was doing too much.”

She sought support from her doctor and a psychologist and found comfort in connecting virtually with other parents.

“The isolation out here can be incredibly tough. My closest mums’ group is Clare, which is 70km away, and many mums live further out than me. There are so many people who are feeling the same thing, and that’s where the virtual village comes in.”

Reflecting on those early days, Steph says that being kind and forgiving to ourselves is so important, not just for you but also for your children.

“Parenting is hands-down the hardest thing I’ve ever done. We need to give ourselves permission to remember that it can be both the best thing and hard work at the same time. And that’s normal.

There's no such thing as a perfect parent, making repair and forgiveness part of parenting. Steph says she's working on demonstrating imperfection, self-compassion and self-care to her kids.

“We all make mistakes; it’s part of life, and especially when you live on the land, it’s important to show your kids how you take care of yourself and manage those tough times.”

“I never claim to be perfect in practising what I preach, but I now make a concerted effort to step back and notice the feelings, acknowledge the feelings, and try to physically move my body to move through the stress cycle whenever I can.”

Steph says that looking after yourself helped her become more relaxed, calm, and positive as a parent. 

“I love reading and embracing the beauty of the land. Taking time for yourself is not selfish; it sets a great example for your kids.”

Steph urges all parents to prioritise their mental health and well-being, find time to do things they enjoy, and tune in to what their children are interested in. 

“Choose to do what matters most. Laugh with your kids. Taking a moment to pause and play is just as important as doing,” says Steph.

She encourages all parents to seek support early.

“And ask for help if you need it; you don’t have to do it alone, especially if you live in a rural or regional area.”

If you’re struggling, contact your doctor, health professional or a support group, like The Gidget Foundation. Triple P also has a free online course for new and expecting parents.

Triple P Online for Baby is free for all families in Australia. The evidence-based online program provides tips and strategies to help families navigate the early stages of parenting more confidently.

Steph is a psychologist, trainer and speaker, who specialises in farmer mental health, her goal is to empower rural Australia to thrive.